I want you to try an exercise for me.
The next time you find yourself alone in front of a mirror, look at yourself. Notice your eyes, your lips, the way your hair falls. Notice the dips in your lips and the speckles in your eyes’ irises. Revel in your beauty for a minute and then tell yourself outloud “I have herpes.”
Say it over and over. In between you also say something awesome about yourself. Try to smile each time.
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes and it doesn’t matter.”
Each time should be a little less scary, a little less shameful or embarrassing. Then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and end it all with a big smile.
The more you begin to accept your condition, the more you’ll be able to cope and be happy with yourself.
Seriously, give it a try and tell me how it goes. :)
Friend Suzie (who knows of my HSV+ status) sent me this link last week, which touts the benefits of green tea for a number of ailments. You know I’m all about the home remedies and such.
The article doesn’t actually say anything about green tea + herpes, but my Glitter Sponsor has recommended it for its soothing properties on more than one occasion. For relief of discomfort during a herpes outbreak:
- Brew green tea
- Squeeze tea bag
- Apply tea bag to angry bits
????Profit- Feel better
I mean this makes sense. From the article:The useful parts of green tea are the leaf bud, leaf, and stem. Green tea is not fermented and is produced by steaming fresh leaves at high temperatures. During this process, it is able to maintain important molecules called polyphenols, which seem to be responsible for many of the benefits of green tea.
Polyphenols might be able to prevent inflammation and swelling, protect cartilage between the bones, and lessen joint degeneration. They also seem to be able to fight human papilloma virus (HPV) infections and reduce the growth of abnormal cells in the cervix (cervical dysplasia). Research cannot yet explain how this works.Emphasis mine. Herpes outbreaks can cause inflammation and swelling, which is why the doctor will suggest ibuprofin. Green tea fights those symptoms naturally.
Did you catch that cool bit about HPV, though?
Likely effective for… Genital warts. A specific green tea extract ointment (Veregen, Bradley Pharmaceuticals) is FDA-approved for treating genital warts.
A little more specific:
Some women use green tea to fight human papilloma virus (HPV), which can cause genital warts, the growth of abnormal cells in the cervix (cervical dysplasia), and cervical cancer.
APPLIED TO THE SKIN:
- For human papillomavirus (HPV) infections of the cervix: green tea ointment alone or in combination with oral green tea extract, twice weekly for 8-12 weeks.
- For genital warts: a specific green tea extract ointment (Veregen, Bradley Pharmaceuticals) providing 15% kunecatechins applied three times daily to external warts for up to 16 weeks has been used.
If you have HPV, look into treatments rooted in green tea!
I haven’t even finished reading it. My chest is all tight. The Hairpin posted a piece by someone who has HSV1 genitally. The first part is about Having The Talk.
Edit: Finished reading. Take away quote?
Telling people about it still isn’t easy or fun, but it’s my own magic Hogwarts-esque sorting hat. If a guy freaks out, he’s not meant to be in my house.
Or I in his.
Friend Suzie (who knows of my HSV+ status) sent me this link last week, which touts the benefits of green tea for a number of ailments. You know I’m all about the home remedies and such.
The article doesn’t actually say anything about green tea + herpes, but my Glitter Sponsor has recommended it for its soothing properties on more than one occasion. For relief of discomfort during a herpes outbreak:
- Brew green tea
- Squeeze tea bag
- Apply tea bag to angry bits
????Profit- Feel better
I mean this makes sense. From the article:The useful parts of green tea are the leaf bud, leaf, and stem. Green tea is not fermented and is produced by steaming fresh leaves at high temperatures. During this process, it is able to maintain important molecules called polyphenols, which seem to be responsible for many of the benefits of green tea.
Polyphenols might be able to prevent inflammation and swelling, protect cartilage between the bones, and lessen joint degeneration. They also seem to be able to fight human papilloma virus (HPV) infections and reduce the growth of abnormal cells in the cervix (cervical dysplasia). Research cannot yet explain how this works.Emphasis mine. Herpes outbreaks can cause inflammation and swelling, which is why the doctor will suggest ibuprofin. Green tea fights those symptoms naturally.
Did you catch that cool bit about HPV, though?
Likely effective for… Genital warts. A specific green tea extract ointment (Veregen, Bradley Pharmaceuticals) is FDA-approved for treating genital warts.
A little more specific:
Some women use green tea to fight human papilloma virus (HPV), which can cause genital warts, the growth of abnormal cells in the cervix (cervical dysplasia), and cervical cancer.
APPLIED TO THE SKIN:
- For human papillomavirus (HPV) infections of the cervix: green tea ointment alone or in combination with oral green tea extract, twice weekly for 8-12 weeks.
- For genital warts: a specific green tea extract ointment (Veregen, Bradley Pharmaceuticals) providing 15% kunecatechins applied three times daily to external warts for up to 16 weeks has been used.
If you have HPV, look into treatments rooted in green tea!
I want you to try an exercise for me.
The next time you find yourself alone in front of a mirror, look at yourself. Notice your eyes, your lips, the way your hair falls. Notice the dips in your lips and the speckles in your eyes’ irises. Revel in your beauty for a minute and then tell yourself outloud “I have herpes.”
Say it over and over. In between you also say something awesome about yourself. Try to smile each time.
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes”
“I have herpes and it doesn’t matter.”
Each time should be a little less scary, a little less shameful or embarrassing. Then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and end it all with a big smile.
The more you begin to accept your condition, the more you’ll be able to cope and be happy with yourself.
Seriously, give it a try and tell me how it goes. :)
I’ve been meaning to write about this. Last night my friend RD broached the subject with me. He’s had a crush on me for a while (mostly reciprocal) but we haven’t really hung out much in the past. Once during a heart-to-heart over the phone, I told him about the HSV. He didn’t say anything about it then and it wasn’t spoken about until last night. He conducted himself perfectly, it was cute.
So! What to do when someone tells you they have herpes?
Tips on how to react, what to say, and general tips when non-positive (in a romantic sense, I’m planning to do another one of these focusing more on platonic relationships):
- Be open. Understand that this is sort of a big deal to many people dealing with this, and that at the end of the day, they’re going to be the ones dealing with this for a very long time.
- Take your time: Sometimes it takes us a while to process the information. It’s understandable and it’s better to take your time, let it sink in, and go from there than to make irrational decisions. If you do decide to take your time, longer than the current conversation, let the person know.
- Get informed: Do your own research! Look up blogs (like this one), managed by people with HSV. Ask the person about their own experience. Hear their story. Emerge yourself on what this virus means, how it affects people and your person specifically, and how it will affect you if you decide to stay. Correlated: Ask for more information. Requests packets, handouts, etc.
- Know that there are many ways to prevent transmission. If you decide to stay, know that it doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to end up HSV+ too. Condoms, antiviral medication (if they decide to take it or are told to my a doctor) and not engaging in contact with active areas are a main way to reduce transmission rates. There are many couples who have led healthy, fulfilling, sexual lives, with children included, without HSV transmission.
- Babies!: Women and FAABs in general with HSV2 can still have babies! The virus shouldn’t really affect many technicalities, so don’t focus so much on that.
- Talk about both of your responsibilities. Don’t put this all on them. It’s a heavy weight to bear as is. Keep condoms around, don’t blame them or judge them, and don’t be afraid to ask if they are “active” or are having love bumps. It’s better to know where they stand in terms of sexual availability (always with consent, of course!) than to guess and then worry.
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Questions! I love questions! The more questions you ask, the more interested you seem and the more convinced I am that you care.Don’t become overbearing though and understand if they aren’t comfortable answering something in specific.
- Be kind. Try to understand where the person is coming from, and commend their courage. It takes a lot for someone to risk hurtful rejection based on something they can’t control, especially when said rejection comes from someone they really like or want to be with.
- Don’t make insensitive remarks, don’t use the word “clean”, and be tasteful when choosing your word choice. Ask them if there are any words or terms that they don’t want to hear. Sometimes this is important, depending on the person.
- Feel the situation out: Roll with their cues, both verbal and non-verbal. If they are laughing and have a light mood, go with that. If they are freaking out, go with that. Let them control the conversation, to a point. Different people have different methods of going about this. Be conscious of that.
- If the person is having an obviously hard time (they are crying, panicking, etc), comfort them, unless they don’t want you to. Be respectful. Let them know that no matter what, they are special, and important, and that you don’t think any less of them. If they are really freaking out, let them calm down on their own.
- Depending on the tone of the conversation, lighten up the mood. Be funny. Be charismatic. Flirt with the person, but don’t lead them on if you really don’t want to move this further. No one has died, you’re not being told you have cancer. No need to be morose. Make them feel like it’s not that big of a deal, especially if they are freaking out. Don’t make blow job or other oral sex jokes unless you know the person will find them funny and not find them offensive.
- DO NOT tell someone to “calm down, bro”. You don’t know what they are going through, you do not know what it feels like to have a heavily stigmatized STA and you do not get to minimize their pain, frustration and worry just because you don’t want to deal with it. One of the most hurtful things I can think of is someone telling me to “chill out” while I’m pouring out my heart, telling my story, crying while they leave and never contact me again.
- If you decide that you don’t want to deal with it: Realize that this doesn’t make you a bad person. Sometimes we just aren’t ready to deal with things we aren’t used to or don’t know how to deal with. That’s okay, as long as this decision comes from a sincere, kind place and not from ignorance and malice.
- If you do decide to move on, TELL THEM. Yes, it’s going to make you both feel like shit and it’s going to be horribly uncomfortable but it’s better to TELL THEM and be honest with them, than to just cut off all contact and leave them hanging with their heart in their hands. That’s not nice and that’s not fair to them, especially when they took such a huge, scary step in telling you. There are ways to let someone go without being mean or making the situation worse. Don’t be an asshole.
- Just like you have the right not to want to deal with it, they have a right to be with someone that doesn’t mind and they have a right to be treated with respect and kindness.
- Don’t go around blabbing your mouth about this. No one needs to know this. Be mature. Again, this is sort of a big deal. Don’t start telling people, putting the person in an uncomfortable position because they were trying to be honest with you.
- High school kids: Shut your mouth. Seriously. High schools are breeding grounds for rumors, stigma, bullying and mean words. If you tell someone less than trust worthy, other classmates will most likely end up knowing too. Just imagining myself as a 16 year old, walking to my class while someone yells out “RUN AWAY, THIS BITCH HAS HERPES” just makes me want to crawl into a ball forever. Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t mature teenagers. There are, and they are wonderful, but please don’t make this harder on a high school kid than it has to be. High school is shitty as is, don’t make it worse.
I think that’s it! If anyone has any comments, additions, questions, etc, please let me know.
Well, that depends on where it shows up. And, I assume, on whom.
When I went to my doctor for what ended up being my herpes diagnosis, I asked her what it might be. She said it looked like a virus, which among other things could be herpes. “Does it look like…that?” She carefully avoided giving me a direct yes or no, but explained that herpes takes on many forms.
Personally, I’ve experienced herpes outbreaks in at least five forms. Each outbreak has involved a different combination of these possible incarnations.
[I tried to put an after-the-jump break here, but for whatever reason it’s not working. Sorry, people who don’t want to read on!]
HARD BUMPS: These show up on the outer labia, which I consider to be dry skin. They don’t look like much unless you stretch the skin; otherwise they lurk almost below skin level, like there’s a tiny, flesh pebble caught under your skin. Mostly they itch. A lot. But if you scratch them or mess with them too much, they hurt. It’s a kind of dull, sore pain. Eventually they either seem to sink back into the skin, or they’ll break open and you’ll have a round, shiny wet spot. It will try to crust over, and it doesn’t like to be touched. It will still be annoyingly itchy.
BLISTERS: These didn’t actually show up until about my third outbreak. A little cluster of about 7 of them appeared on my inner thigh, not far from the crease where my out labia begins. They start out clear, but as they swell they turn either a grey-white or a pale yellow. The tops of them are almost flat, and I think of them as being perfectly round with a sort of center point. They itch until they eventually break open, and at that point they’ll weep, crust over, and begin to heal. I read somewhere that they can leave a little silvery mark for a while after they’ve gone away, but I haven’t noticed any on myself yet.
RED SPOTS: I had one of these on my pubic mound during my first outbreak. I tried to squeeze it like an ingrown hair, but it didn’t feel like one, and it didn’t really look like one. By the time I noticed the spot, it was already broken open and was quite red. It didn’t hurt, wasn’t sore, didn’t itch. It just stood out like a little red warning light under my pubic hair. My best guess is that it was a small blister or bump that broke open either on its own or when I absentmindedly scratched it. The doctor (who has also correctly identified and pointed out my ingrown hairs) noticed it right away and knew what it was.
BLISTER RASH: This also appeared on my pubic mound, during a different outbreak. Again, it was bright red. When I looked at it very closely, I saw that it was made up of many tiny, clear fluid bubbles, similar to poison ivy bwebs. IT ITCHED LIKE CRAZY. This was the first outbreak that was so itchy that I woke up in the middle of the night and had to ice it before I could fall back to sleep.
SORES/ULCERS: These show up on the inner labia, on what I think of as either pink skin or wet skin. It’s the skin where moisture is often trapped, where the skin is thinner and darker, and has a richer blood supply. Often times here herpes will skip the blister stage completely and go right to the open sore, or ulcer (which, as my doctor explained to me, is “a breakdown of the skin.”) It looks like a little round or oval-shaped spot with a darker ring around the outside and a lighter center. It feels like any little cut you might get from a sharp fingernail — if you bump or stretch it, there’s a sharp, unpleasant pain. They weep and the whitish parts are, from what I understand, sloughed off dead skin cells. This is where a lot of the unusual discharge/clitty litter/outbreak-specific smell comes from. They burn if you pee on them, which can feel like a UTI to some people. The natural reaction may be to drink less, and thus pee less, but it’s actually better to drink more so that the urine is less acidic and hurts them less.
Overall, I prefer the sores to anything else. Why? Because they hurt only when you touch them with something, they’re less susceptible to movement or touching anything tucked between the labia, and they heal faster. Pain isn’t pleasant, but if you don’t touch them (and I sure as fuck don’t want to) they’re pretty easy to ignore. All of the types that show up on dry skin — the blisters, bumps and rash — itch something crazy and make it difficult to sleep. I find it very difficult to leave poison ivy, mosquito bites, or anything that itches to its own devices. I scratch it without thinking, even in my sleep, and at times find it almost impossible to stop.
All types should heal without scarring, if they’re left alone. They all like to be washed carefully with water and given plenty of air so that they can dry out. I’ve read about covering them with cornmeal or baking powder to speed along the drying process, but haven’t tried it. For their soothing qualities, my Glitter Sponsor swears by salty baths, or taking an already-steeped green tea bag and applying it to one’s nethers.
http://drjengunter.wordpress.com/2011/06/05/herpes-101-the-difference-between-herpes-type-1-and-type-2/
